A Piece of Hope: From someone who had lost it.

Hope. It is sometimes a really hard thing to have. In life, we find ourselves in situations we can’t understand. Whether it be infertility, an unexpected pregnancy, relationship problems, health conditions, the death of loved ones, or any other life changing situation, we have all lost hope. adoptionpost2We have all found ourselves in that place where we are so overwhelmed and can’t find the way out. There are adoptive couples who struggle with being chosen to raise a child and complete their family. There are failed adoption placements. There are children who cannot find their birth parents. There are birth parents who are promised openness to see their birth child, and then never get to see that beautiful child again. There are families who are torn apart by illness or divorce. There are families who lose children, parents, and spouses. There are women who find themselves alone, scared, and pregnant. There are an endless amount of situations that are difficult and challenging. And this is where attitude changes everything. Those situations are not, and should never be compared to each other. They are all difficult.

When I was 14, my dad died in a car accident. It was unexpected, and changed my life along with many others. My mother became a widow, and my 6 siblings lost a father. That situation was not easy, and it is not worse than anyone else’s situation. That situation, led to myself looking for male attention and love in all the wrong places. It is a part of my life that led me to where I am now. A birth mother to a beautiful boy. I can only speak for myself, because no person’s adoption situation is the same. Many people have expressed to me that my adoption situation is perfect. And I can almost agree with them, but that is not true. I have an open adoption, which because of my birth son’s adoptive family and myself it has worked out so beautifully. Not because it is perfect, but because both sides of the adoption strives for a happy and strong relationship. We worked for it, it didn’t  just get handed to us. I used to dwell on the negative parts in my life and its situations for a long time. I used the excuse that my father had passed away or that I was left pregnant, for a lot, which did not help me progress in my life. I learned that those two situations are ones that I could use to help other people, and use them in a positive way to move forward in life. Instead of dwelling in the negative, I started sharing the positive. Using those experiences as a way to support and help others.

There are blessings in every situation. Just because you don’t see them now, doesn’t mean there are not blessings in your situation. By focusing on the positive and not the negative, you can achieve anything. Just because you aren’t able to have children doesn’t mean you’re not meant to be a mother. Just because you’re having marriage problems doesn’t mean you must file for a divorce. Just because someone you loved disappears from your life, doesn’t mean you are not capable to love again. Just because you haven’t found your birth parents yet, it does not mean you will never find them. In all of these situations you can choose to lose hope or you can choose to embrace the situation you are in and keeping moving forward. It is easy to have hope, you just have to look for the blessings in your life. As I would say, you cannot stop the waves in life, but you can learn to surf with them. What things have given you hope in the difficult situations in your life?

~M. Porter

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