Adoption: A Faith Based Process

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Faith – the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen– a complete trust or confidence in someone or something. As I was trolling the Adoption Perspectives Facebook page I came across something that has stuck with me. She said…”Adoption is a faith based process”. Over the course of several weeks I have given that statement considerable thought and have realized that the person who said it is 100% right. Whatever side of the adoption equation you happen to be on, you are navigating that path solely on faith. Faith that you will feel whole again. Faith that you will love regardless of biology. Faith that you chose the right family or faith that you will not disappoint the birth parents that have entrusted you to love and nurture their child. Whether or not you believe in God, another higher power, or simply a belief in your own self…adoption is completely and totally a faith based process. Our journey began fourteen years ago. My husband and I both come from large families and we were both hopeful that we would someday have a house full of children. We quickly learned that our dream would probably never be our reality. That is when we learned to have faith that the overwhelming feelings of sadness and hopelessness would not last forever.

Four years later we were blessed with Madelyn Elizabeth. Upon meeting her I was certain that she was the most gorgeous baby girl I had ever laid eyes on. After her birthmother handed her over to me, she made her way to the lobby of the church we were meeting at. From down the hall I could hear what can only be described as a guttural cry. It is a sound that I hope to never hear again. In that moment I learned to have faith that this woman who I had just meet, whom I never imagined instantly loving would someday feel whole again. Faith that her heart would heal and faith that we would be the kind of parents that did not make her ever question or doubt her decision. Three years later Jackson Travis made his way to us. Jackson’s adoption was not easy. Mistakes were made and feelings were hurt. It was then that I learned to have faith that relationships can always be mended and love that was once lost can be found again if you are willing to work for it. It has been almost nine years since we adopted Jackson. Those years have been filled with countless prayers that we would either be blessed with another baby or I would finally feel at peace that our family was complete. I was given neither. Two months ago I got a call out of the blue from a longtime friend. Her daughter is pregnant and would we consider an open adoption? This is a new concept to us. While we have maintained great relationships with our birthmothers, they are not what most would consider “open” adoptions. Faith has intervened once again. I have faith that as we build a friendship with this girl we hardly know…opening up our home to not only her baby but to her as well will not feel foreign or so scary. We have faith that this new way of doing things will not only work but will bring an added measure of love and happiness we didn’t know was possible.

In between the blessings we have been given we have experienced countless setbacks and devastating failed attempts. It was the faith we have in each other and the faith we have that God has a plan for us and our family that has sustained us during those really dark times. Whatever side of the adoption equation you are on….whatever point you are at in the process…have faith that your heart will heal, that you and your significant other will find happiness. Have faith that with hard work strained or damaged relationships will not only improve but can be better than expected. Have faith that with love all things are possible…after all that is the very essence of adoption.

~Mandee

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