Gaining Perspective by Communication.

I’m new to the adoption world. In fact a lot of people wouldn’t even consider me a member until I’ve had my baby and signed the paperwork. It’s like a hazing ritual for a sorority. You have to go through the pain of signing your rights away before you get all the joy of having sorority sisters.

I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with a little girl. The adoptive parents are amazing. So amazing in fact that they invited me to stay at their house for the weekend.

Now, a lot of women out there will say things like: “That’s inappropriate” “They’re only doing that because they want your baby”  and the ever popular, “don’t you think they are manipulating you?”. But to them I only say, you don’t know our situation.

Communication is the biggest thing in adoption. There is a huge lack of communication within adoptive and birth mom relationships; and too much within the birth mom and other birth mom realm.bloggerpost1

  It’s hard to learn to open your mouth   about things that are important within your relationship as parents because, let’s face it, you’re basically newlyweds. Both of you have this little baby in mind and it’s important for birth mom’s to remember that the adoptive couple is holding a part of their hearts hoping it doesn’t get crushed. Also, the adoptive couple has to know that you WILL bond with this baby. It’s growing inside you. Ya can’t help but love this little human, but that doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to change your mind.  It just means your a human with a beating heart.
On the other side of things, some women don’t know when to shut their mouths. Talking to other birth mom’s is the most interesting experience I’ve encountered so far. There are three types of birth mom’s I’ve personally encountered. 1) the happy go lucky mom’s 2) the “let’s be real this sucks but I love it” type and 3) the ones that scare the crap out of the new kids.
The happy go lucky mom’s are the ones encouraging you and cheering you on for your decision. Great for when you need a little boost.
The let’s be real mom’s are  generally the crowd you want to hang with. They tell you the good with the bad and are great for advise.
The ones that scare the new kids with their horrible adoption stories are the ones you want to be selective about when you engage with. I’ve learned a lot through defending myself against these negative Nancy’s but it comes at an energy sucking price.

Keeping the lines of communication open, is my key to having a happy adoption. If you and the adoptive couple can create a base of mutual trust and love things are going to be so much smoother once you throw an adorable screaming baby into the mix.
Some people disagree with me. They think that it creates more guilt if you do decide to change your mind. Having talked to my baby’s adoptive couple    about this, I feel like changing my mind wouldn’t crush them or ruin our relationship at all but every situation is different and I’m not going to take that away.

What do you think is the key to a happy open adoption?

-Sarah H.

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