My Journey As An Adoptee and Birth Mother

My name is Suzy, and I’m an adoptee and a birth mother. From the time I was just a little girl I knew that I was adopted. It was something that was often talked about in our house. I always knew that I could ask questions when I had them and that I would get honest answers in return. My birth parents were 16 and 17 years old when I was born, and I was placed for adoption right after birth.
​Adoptions were very closed back when I was born in 1988 so I was left fantasizing and wondering about my birth parents. What do they look like? What are they like? What are their names? Do they ever think about me? I often fantasized about reuniting with them and what that would be like. I thought about us running into each other’s arms and having long conversations about all the things we missed out on in each other’s lives. I was very hopeful that I would one day meet the two wonderful people that gave me life and so much more, and I had faith that it would happen if and when it was right.
imageThat time finally came June 2015. In April, I posted a picture of myself on Facebook holding a poster with all the information I had about them asking people to please share it and help my dream come true. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming, especially because I had attempted this very thing just two years prior with no success. This time around I had emails daily from people all over the Country and Internationally wishing me the best and giving me words of advice. That only made me want to work harder and do absolutely anything I could in my power to find my birth parents. With the help of a generous Confidential Intermediary, contact had been made just a short month and a half later.
​I spoke to my birth mom for the first time on Friday, June 12. I didn’t know one could be flooded with so many thoughts and emotions at once. We talked about anything and everything we possibly could and before we knew it, we had been talking for four hours. It was incredible to hear her voice and be able to ask some of the many questions I had for so long. In our conversation, I had learned that I had seven siblings and that she lived in Texas. We continued to talk and text almost daily and we had made plans for me to go spend Christmas with her and the family. A couple months later, she told me that her husband was interviewing for a new job out of State, and that it was for a company that approached him a few months prior to me finding them. I later found out that the company that wanted her husband so badly was 20 minutes from where I live. What?! Of all places they could have moved to, they were possibly moving not only to the same State but the same area. I was so excited! Needless to say, they offered him a job, he accepted, and they now live just 15 minutes from where I do.
imageI waited a few weeks to call my birth dad. I thought kind of spacing them out a little would make things a little easier and less overwhelming. One of the first things my birth dad asked me was, “What took you so long?” It kind of sounds weird, but it made me feel good knowing that he had been waiting for that day as long as I was. I have since traveled back to Denver where I was born and where he currently still lives. I was able to meet my grandparents, my brother and sister, an uncle, a cousin, and a nephew. Everyone was so loving, excited, and accepting.
​About 8 months have passed since I first made contact with both my birth parents. It sounds cliché, but I really have started to feel whole and have started to gain a better sense of who I am since reuniting with them. I’ve enjoyed getting to know both my birth parents and their families. I’ve learned that despite all the years that passed, I was never forgotten and I was often thought about. I also learned that love and acceptance doesn’t always come from all involved and that it takes time to build those relationships that I have wanted for so long. Some relationships have yet to blossom and some may not at all. That’s a hard pill to swallow but I do my best to stay hopeful for the future.
imageBeing adopted and growing up with the wonderful parents I did, gave me strength to push through trials I have faced- the hardest ones being unplanned pregnancies. I first found myself pregnant at the mere age of 14. A boy in the neighborhood that I had made friends with had taken me advantage of me. At the time, I didn’t really know what happened and I was too scared to tell anyone about it. I felt ashamed and the easiest thing to do at the time was to go on with life like it had never happened. That’s exactly what I did and I did it quite well. I’m still not sure how either. I know I could have and should have told my parents right away. Instead I kept it a secret for seven months until one Saturday morning my mom approached me with questions. At the time, I was physically fit and a part of my middle school basketball team. She had noticed that I was gaining weight and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell her. That’s when I broke down and told her everything. She and my dad took me to see a doctor and a counselor at LDS Family Services that same day. As much as it hurt, I knew from the very beginning what I had to do. As much as I wanted to parent, and could have with my family’s full support behind me, I knew that my baby deserved so much more. I wanted to give him the same great gift and chance at a fantastic life that my birth parents had given me. I delivered a healthy baby boy in August 2004 and placed him with his forever family.
​Six years later I was pregnant again- this time with an old boyfriend from high school that I had just reconnected with. My thought process was very different this time around. I was more mature and had a steady job. Not to mention, the first placement had not gone as I had hoped and planned with my son’s adoptive parents. It was full of empty promises and lies and I wasn’t about to go through that again. I had planned to keep my baby and my parents knew and supported that. As it got closer to my due date, they started to move furniture around the house to make the baby’s room and I was mentally preparing to be a single mother. With all that, I wanted to meet with my counselor to help better prepare for what was ahead. After seeing her regularly for a couple months, I started to realize that keeping my baby wasn’t what was really best for her, and once again I was looking at profile after profile and reading letter after letter. I remember one night spending six hours straight trying to find the perfect family for my daughter. After looking at countless profiles and experiencing plenty times of discouragement, I finally found my daughter’s parents. She was born October 2010 and my relationship with her family has been totally different than that with my son’s. We have a very open relationship and we get together often. There’s no better feeling than seeing my little girl’s eyes light up when she sees me or overhearing her randomly tell people, “I have two moms.” Her parents and their families have done nothing but welcome my family and me into their lives. We really are one big family and that’s what I feel adoption is all about- bringing families together as one. It’s something I’m so grateful for and knowing I haven’t “lost” my kids is what keeps me going. I may not be the one they call mom or be the one that gets them up and going everyday, but I do still have that special unbreakable bond with them. They hold pieces of my heart no one else does or ever will.
imageI am so grateful for adoption and the big part it plays in my life. I’m especially grateful for how much it has changed and that I’m able to be a part of both my kids’ lives. I didn’t lose my kids; I gained two more branches to my family tree.

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